Just typing that sentence makes me want to cry. We tried for seven years to have a baby. Shots, medicine, internal ultrasounds and long drives to the fertility clinic. And then we were pregnant. And life has been passing at warp speed ever since.
I had a relatively easy pregnancy and delivery. And then she was here. Our blue eyed beauty who would change everything I thought I knew about all the things. Those early months were so sleep deprived and filled with efforts to make decisions I had never thought about before becoming a momma.
Motherhood is hard at any age. But at 45, now 46, it’s been hard for me to navigate in so many ways. I’ve been called her grandmother too many times to count. I’m always gracious and say “nope, I’m her momma and I worked so very hard for this”. But seriously folks…don’t assume…it’s so dang awkward. And honestly makes me want to scream out loud. But I don’t. I’m thankful for my precious daughter and I pray that when she’s older she will know I love her more than she can imagine even if I’m the oldest momma in every circle.
SaraAnn is sassy, funny, busy and rotten. She’s very attached to me, which I suppose is to be expected since she is literally with me 24/7 almost all the time. She’s still nursing strong and loves to snuggle with momma, sometimes with daddy.
We had a farm party for her over the weekend and it was super cute. Thank God for Amazon and Etsy to provide the goods for a Pinterest inspired party. I made the invites and high chair banner and food tents…but everything else was ordered and was perfect.
We still don’t sleep through the nights without nursing at least once, but I am surviving on my new normal amount of sleep. I will miss those times in the light of the diffuser when she nurses back to sleep in the wee hours. It won’t be long before she doesn’t even want to sit in my lap.
Motherhood has taught me so much and made me aware that even though I’ve been helping to raise other people’s babies since 1991 😳 I had no clue how to raise a newborn 24 hours a day. I had been afforded the luxury to have the kids until 5 or 6pm and then have my nights and weekends free to do the things I needed to do kid free. Real mom life…that doesn’t happen. I’m still finding the balance a year later. One thing I’ve been become really aware of is that my child needs me present more than she needs clean baseboards or spotless kitchen or clutter free house. Yes, those things are important, but time with her is soooooo limited when they’re this age…I’m soaking in every single moment with her. So if you visit me…consider yourself warned.
I’m beyond thankful for every stage this first year. Some have been harder than others for sure…like why is nobody talking about postpartum hair loss and having to cook for you child all day, every single day for the rest of my life? Anyway…we love our sweet girl and are ready for year two. Here we go!
