#fearlesslyandfaithfullyfollowingHimintomy50s

Fifty. A milestone of course. A blessing for sure that God has allowed me to see His gracious mercy in my life for 50 years. But. Also a number I’ve dreaded. Not because of being 50, though I truly can’t wrap my head around being old enough to be fifty. The truth is fifty has taunted me for years. Losing my parents when they were 54 years old is forever a part of who I am, part of the filter in which I process every single part of my life. I have carried some of that burden throughout every year since 1996. God has so richly blessed my life and I’m so thankful for His many provisions, many that I’m sure I’m not even aware of.

I’ve shared how God became real to me later in life, even though I grew up in church and was raised by believers. I had accepted Jesus into my heart and was baptized early and believed the Bible was true and God was real, but I don’t think I really understood the personal relationship He wanted with me. I realized well after my parents were gone, that I had relied on my parents beliefs as my own not realizing that I was missing such a huge part of the life that God would have for me. So many decisions I made in my 20s and 30s were so outside of His will and I’m eternally thankful for His protection, His forgiveness, His mercy. Those of you who know me well, know the story of God’s redemption with my marriage to Randy and becoming a momma to my sweet SaraAnn. If you don’t know any of that story and would like a little bit of it, you can read our journey here. I’ve shared about the anxiety and fear that have plagued me after having covid (you can read it here if you want) and allowing the enemy to pull my focus from what I know is true in Christ Jesus and struggle way to often with worry and fear. Thankfully I’m better now in 2023, but I’d be lying if I said that I don’t still struggle. Way too much.

This past Sunday, the week before my birthday, we had a guest speaker that shared a sermon on trauma, vulnerability and God’s provision and restoration even in the midst of pain and strife and it confirmed what I should be focusing on this year as I enter my fifties that God had already placed on my heart. You can watch it here if you like…God used Caleb to speak into my life and shift my perspective and turn my focus to what He has for me. Picking a birthday hashtag is silly of course, but choosing a focus for the next year is my commitment and intentional focus on what I know is true.

“Confess who you are in your weakness and declaring who God is in His strength” – Caleb Graves

“My perspective changed in the midst of pain. When you’re desperate and you know what to fill it with, which is Jesus, then He satisfies you, He gives you the grace to get through what you’re going through. My desperation became adoration. Thanking God, worshipping Him, even in the midst of pain, doesn’t take the pain away, it will still happen, but you are declaring what is not yet. You are having an eternal perspective….whether God heals you now, or in eternity, it is a miracle. What He has done for us on the cross provides us access with signs and wonder to demonstrate His power, but if it doesn’t happen now – we still have eternity”….paraphrased from Caleb Graves.

For those that weren’t blessed enough to know my daddy -he praised the Lord in every situation- literally every single situation. I admit to rolling my eyes more than once when he would do this during my childhood. At his funeral someone told the story about the time when his car got stolen and my daddy just said praise the Lord when he opened the door and realized it was gone – and how much that random thing impacted their life. I want to follow in his footsteps, I want to point people to Jesus by my actions, my words, my whole testimony.

I know God does not want me to live in a place of fear, He doesn’t want me to not be able to rest in what the Bible say is true. I admit that turning 50 has scared me, I don’t want to die young and leave my child without her momma. I know where I’m going, I know and fully believe in the promise of eternity. I’m excited about it. But. I still want to see SaraAnn grow up, and while I pray for her and for Randy every day, I’ve also come to the realization, even more so now than in year’s past, that He already knows the number of my days on this earth. He already has a plan to take care of Randy and SaraAnn even if I’m not here. He loves them so much more than I can even fathom. He took care of me when my parents were called up to heaven way earlier than I wanted them to be. It was hard, it was painful and I did not see His provision in those early moments. But I’m so very thankful to see a glimpse of it now. I see where He is giving me a clearer focus to see that I can indeed praise Him because I know that I have eternity despite my earthy circumstances. God in His omnipotent wisdom sees the whole picture, I don’t need to fear because He has it covered.

Friends, if you’ve read this far, bless you, I’m praying you’re encouraged by something in this. We have so much to be thankful for despite this crazy world we live in. I won’t get it right every day. I still know His mercies are new every day. Gosh am I thankful for that. I am focusing on following Him fearlessly and faithfully this year – shutting down the enemy when the moments come when I’m struggling to see God’s hand at work. What the enemy thought he could use for evil, God intended it for His good. (Genesis 50:20) God is so good.

These are some of the verses God has shown me as this day has gotten closer and closer.

Hebrews 10:35 Therefore do not throw away your confidence, which has a great reward. ³⁶ For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God you may receive what is promised.

But Hebrews 10: 35 teaches us that we should walk in “fearless confidence.” Meaning, our confidence in God and His Word should be the first thing we do when we hear a negative report. Going to God’s Word first, gives fear no opportunity to take hold of our mind and our hearts.

Deuteronomy 31:6 Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.” ⁸ It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.”

Isaiah 43:1 But now thus says the Lord, He who created you, O Jacob, He who formed you, O Israel:
“Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. 2 When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you.

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare^[b] and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. ¹² Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. ¹³ You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart. 

2 Timothy 4:17 But the Lord stood by me and strengthened me, so that through me the message might be fully proclaimed and all the Gentiles might hear it. So I was rescued from the lion’s mouth. ¹⁸ The Lord will rescue me from every evil deed and bring me safely into his heavenly kingdom. To him be the glory forever and ever. Amen.

Live fearlessly because God has a plan and a purpose for your life. Romans 8:28  And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good,^[h] for those who are called according to his purpose.

2 Timothy 1:7 (NLT) For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.