And then there were THREE!

We’ve gone back and forth about whether to share our journey publicly. It’s so personal, so painful, so defeating…yet…we still had hope because we knew if it’s God’s plan for us to have a child, then it will be done. As we’ve seen our story unfold, we’ve shared with those closest to us along the way, but I want to share here in the hopes that you can come alongside us as we rejoice in what God has done in our lives.

Randy and I got married in 2011, I was 38 years old and he was 41. We had both been married before, but neither of us had children. I knew I had some issues with my fallopian tubes going into the discussion of whether we’d try, even in our older age, to have a child together. Randy’s insurance offered some fertility coverage, which is rare, but it had a lifetime limit and wasn’t a lot, we gave it a try anyway. It was a grueling year, including the removal of my tubes and two rounds of seemingly endless shots, meds, poking and prodding to end up with 2 embryos. We were excited, but nervous as the doctor encouraged us to have the two embryos genetically tested for a variety of reasons, including our age as genetic diseases are so prevalent in older pregnancies. We were devastated to learn that both embryos had abnormalities that are deemed incompatible with life and likely would not have even made it to a positive pregnancy test, or carried to term. We had to sign a paper to discard those embryos. Yes, throw them away. It was excruciatingly painful, even knowing that in a non- IVF lab environment we would have never gotten pregnant with these babies. But they were ours, a boy and a girl. We will see them in heaven one day – healthy and whole…I rest in that fact every single day. We took an extended break after this – I was not in a place emotionally to be able to even talk about trying again and we had decided that if we couldn’t pay for it outright, then we would not go through IVF again.

Fast forward to 2017, I was getting ready to be 44 years old. Ancient in child bearing years. We sold my childhood home in the summer and set aside the profits as funds to take part in a program that gives you a refund if you don’t bring home a baby. Not a consolation prize, mind you, but at least we would not lose that money AND not have a child of our own. So off we went to try again. Round one started in December and we had our first embryo transfer late in January 2018 following dozens of shots, patches, meds and trips to the clinic. We waited for 2 weeks to take the blood test and were excited to hear that our test come back positive, but with a we need to recheck because your hcG level isn’t as high as we like it to be additional comment. So, we waited all weekend, trying not to get our hopes up, but since this was our first positive pregnancy test ever…that was super hard. I took a 2nd blood test the next Monday and my hcG was the same and they determined I had a chemical pregnancy. I had to stop all meds and shots and wait for my period. UGH! Talk about a roller coaster of emotions. So now we had to wait two cycles to start the whole process over again. Which brings us to April and our most recent attempt. We had our 2nd embryo transfer…here’s the photo of us afterwards and our baby’s first photo…the embryologist was really excited because the embryo was already “hatching” or beginning to grow when they started to thaw it…science is so remarkable….especially when you are walking through it at such an amazing time like this!

So then begins the praying and waiting period again…the longest 2 weeks of your life. EVER. Test one…HCG needs to be over 50. Mine was 620. We were so excited. Mary, our IVF nurse was almost giddy when she called with the news…I love that. So then I had to return 2 days later and the number should be over 1000. Mine was 1325! We were like oh my goodness….this round may have actually worked. It was almost unbelievable after the long, winding road that got us to this spot. So now we have to have one more confirmation test and the number should have at least quadrupled…mine was 6113! We are officially PREGNANT! And then reality begins to set in…holy crap – it worked – I’m pregnant – we’re pregnant – I’m old – can I do this? – are we ready? – our whole existence is going to change in mere months! The fertility clinic scheduled our first ultrasound for two weeks out and then we wait – still taking the progesterone shots, the lovely 2.25″ needle in my backside nightly along with estrogen patches every other day to help my body along until my placenta is in place and takes over as it would in a traditional pregnancy.

We arrived for our first ultrasound and were so nervous – it was crazy…Dr Wing was all smiles as this image came up and I laid there in disbelief. God had chosen us to be THIS child’s parents.

Even as I type this, the tears well up in my eyes…it’s such a blessing…we have prayed over this child for so long, even before he/she was conceived and now look what God has done….to God be ALL the glory! What has been so painful and so hard suddenly seems so worth it. To know that I’m going to see Randy be a dad is a feeling I can’t quite describe yet, but he is going to be SO awesome at it. The fact that my parents were such good stewards of their money before they died that they provided us with the resources to have this baby twenty two years after their death is something I’ll forever be grateful for and in awe of how BIG our God is. Seeing Baby Copes’s heart beat and hearing that sound for the first time sent the tears flowing – the feeling is something I hope I NEVER forget. Hearing my husband say “you’re pregnant” with a silly grin when he kisses me for no reason makes my heart melt.

I look at Sarah and Hannah in the Bible and how God provided a child for them in HIS time, I’ve read their stories many times and wondered if God would bless me and give me the chance to be a momma. I have been Nannie to soooo many kids over the years and often wondered if that was God’s plan for me to fill that void in my life, praying that if it was, that He would give me peace with that. So many days I wanted to give up, so many times I said to Randy, I’m all done with the shots and pills and 2 hour trips to the clinic and back…it was exhausting and emotional and just plain hard. But now we sit, in full awareness that we are going to be parents, that God has indeed provided us with the desires of our heart in His timing (and I’m super thankful I’m not 100 years old like Sarah, by the way – LOL)

On June 8th we had our 2nd ultrasound to confirm that everything was progressing the way it should be and see how much Baby Cope had grown. I wasn’t quite as nervous this time, but

was still a bit anxious to make sure there was “something” still there. I had not experienced any morning sickness ( and still haven’t to this day aside from just a few days of just feeling yucky) and just wanted to make sure we were still on the right track! We were thrilled not only to see that Baby Cope was growing just as he/she should, but we could see lots of wiggling around and a strong heart beat.

Our nurse gave us a “you’ve graduated” gift bag and this super sweet onesie and the Dr let us know that we were being released from the fertility clinic. Just like that! I wasn’t expecting it that day but am so super thrilled that we’re ready to see the maternal fetal specialist (because of my age – they try to make being an old mom sound all fancy with terms like advanced maternal age, but let’s face it – I’m not a spring chicken and we want a healthy pregnancy) – so these are the steps we have to take to ensure that happens! I’m in better health than in many years past because of our low carb lifestyle, but I can already tell you that see the scale go up is already traumatizing me. Obviously I know I’ll gain weight, but sheesh, when you’ve see lower numbers for a while – you do NOT want to see those bigger numbers ever again or see the smaller clothes you were able to fit into be replaced by the ones that were too big. *sigh* Just makes the goal for post pregnancy that much more real, right? So for now a balanced diet is where it’s at – Baby Cope doesn’t hesitate to let me know when it’s feeding time!

This brings us to today – the day we share publicly for the first time what’s going on – I’ll be honest – I’ve been a little nervous about it. Not because I don’t think folks won’t be thrilled for us, but that there will be those that think we’re too old to do this. Nobody has prayed about that as much as me – I promise you. I’ve watched the folks I went to high school with have babies, send them through school and some even through college, thinking good grief, I’m going to be so old when my child graduates, etc. But you know what? I trust God’s plan for Randy and I, for our child, and I’m not going to worry about 18 years from now, 22 years from now…I’m going to praise Him while we wait, while we pray that our child will know Him and love Him and want to do His work with their life. I pray that God gives us what we need when we’re tired or weary and when we’re at our wits end with a teenager in our 60’s (Lord, help me!). God does NOT say anywhere in the Bible that He won’t give us more that we can handle – He absolutely does give us that..so that we realize that when we’re reliant NOT on ourselves but Him in and through us, does He equip us with what we need, when we need it. So there’s that – I feel better typing that out. We’re indeed crazy – blessed – overwhelmed with His mercies and grace – and I wouldn’t change it for a second….were living proof of Ephesians 3:20-21.

Thank you to ALL of those who have prayed for us along this journey – we are very honored to have you guys standing with us and wouldn’t have made it through without you!

Here is today’s ultrasound 🙂

We love you guys! Randy, Stephanie and Baby Cope